the wedding..

I am supposed to be going to a wedding in Kinnakeet this Saturday, but because I have been so sick in the past few months I just can-not make it. Thing about it is this.. It’s my very best pal’s wedding and I know it’s gonna be a great time. I would really love to see all my friends again. I miss the living hell out of each and every one of them..  I love Baltimore and love being here, but I am a Kinnakeeter and this is a giant Kinnakeet event.. This is heart breaking I tell you. I am glad I am a writer because it is a way to release pent-up feelings

I hate drugs, I think this is a product of drug use.. ( my sickness ) I don’t know maybe not.. I do know one thing though it worries the most important ppl in my life .. I hate worrying the people I love, that is the biggest reason I went from addict without hope to a guy that is in the running to help the poor and addicted.. But I do know that it’s a sniff smoke swallow a pill away from the end 

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letter to mother

Through the door I see u and god i feel like crying 

I know the disappointment ran deep 

deep as to love you have for me.

so much to pay for 

but you were punished too..

By my hands.

By my doings..

that my mother was the worst punishment 

they handed me

well 

i handed it to me

.. i thought i was tired

tired of  life,

I am tired 

just tired of being 

some one who hurts you

and makes you cry when thinking of the

past 

even though the past was great

im 

sorry

so sorry

i pray 

and i have my faith

and now i have you 

my mother 

i love you 

and i will pray i never lose 

what we have, the love, trust, and having fun — everagain

— Apple dumpling 

urban sprawl brawl call it what ya want but it aint fing dull

I love to take pictures. I think that is a good thing since x cons should do constructive things. So i have gotten into it big time for what I have.. I like the whole urban photography and exploring thing 

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I enjoy it because not only is it adventures but historic as well .. 

you think back and buildings / business’s such as this one ( secret location eastern seaboard )

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It can be a dangerous thing .. You could be arrested or hurt. But there are ways around that.. Don’t trespas and be don’t be a fool, doing foolish things.. I do not under any circumstances, try the police.. they suck, but the bitch’s will win.. It’s hard sometimes but you learn where and when to have a history lesson, and when to just do some URBAN SHOTS AND NOT A GUN.. I love cop hunting with a camera..

pig messing with a scooter dude.. like there isn't real crime going on some place !

pig messing with a scooter dude.. like there isn’t real crime going on some place !

I grew up near a steel mill so I love those kinda buildings and I know how they build communities and are part of a city’s hostory.. And I love taking pictures / with a little adventure added in there never hurts ya dig ..!

not my graffiti .. hate it but its art and part of this buildings history

not my graffiti .. hate it but its art and part of this buildings history

me adventuring

me adventuring

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Birthdays

You learn as you grow in wisdom that birthdays are for your mother not yourself.. A birthday you will forget some of them , w, but Mom will always remember your very first.. It was work and she went threw it.. Then for Ma it’s a life time a worrying..

will their birth be safe

” will he be okay in school ?”

“will his wife love him like she should ?”

While your in school all day Mom is thinking of you ..

I read a little something some place that reminded me of that right around my birthday, since i been free I have been trying to rebuild the relationship I tore down it’s something that had broke my heart since my brain cleared of the fog it was in.. and you know what she is alowing me to do that when i was sick she was there and gave me the advice and care I needed to get well.. I listened for once and was well ..

Then my birthday rolled around, I have been a loner latley and i dont mind at all i have done this to just stay away from any one that I can get myself get tangled up with in the wrong kind of way. So I wanted to be round Mommy and Aunt and I had a great day.. Best day I had since I was a kid.. We really had fun eating at Denny’s and looking at youtube and giggling it up !!!

Off to Wal-Mart to get some i pad ssecories.. We really bonded this week and I thank the lord Jah for that .. I want not to feel the guilt that I felt for years..

People dont forget when you do wrong Mom’s heart breaks….

I am sick..

I hate being freaking sick.. I do not even know where the shit comes from but it always come’s outta no freaking where .. I hate it.. one min i am fine the next I am starting to feel it. I think it may have something to do with the brightness of my screen matched with stress..  I have been sick since Saturday ! Here it is Monday!!  W.t.f is going on here!!!

Thing is when I take my Methadone.. Iyt don’t even knock this sickness out, so it can not be coming from that.. I take lots a vitamins too. and it’s just throwing up and then week but thats from the stress my body is under from dry heaving so violent..

thanks for caring !!

here bitch here

Mr.Saigan says, all kinds of things in such a humble way.. A way that inspires at least me anyway.. I really like science even though I am a fake weed smoking trying to be a former drug addict.. Woo I must say have been doing good.. no trouble in a number of years, and I really for at least my families sake would like t keep it like that..

I have been real interested in urban exploration and the reason being id.. I like taking pictures of the guestto or just the city.. Especially BALTIMORE AND DC.. but them gosh damn abandon building are where the action is, not cause the picture of the inside are cool. ( well I make em that way ) plus the view of the hoods is different photo’ing from that angle..my place

 

I also really love the adventure of taking pictures where none have been taking in years.. Plus me being a history buff O jusy love what I am doi